Regarding the first comment of being a "boring lesbian couple," we wrote a note thanking the writer, saying, "To be called 'boring' after being often called an 'abomination, pervert, and sinner' is certainly a step up! (:  We were cracking up laughing, since boring is one tag that no person in our lives has ever used about us.  It just shows how much we keep growing! Thank you!"

To the second comment, "Why do you want to tarnish your reputation?" Dotti replied,
"I had a deeper conversation...with my mother...on the way to the airport in Seattle to catch our flight to Colorado Springs.  That led to a blog I wrote called "Tarnishing My Reputation...a reminder from my mother." Deeper conversation...that is why we wear our rainbow wristbands every day...a reminder of our willingness to connect in authentic ways by having the difficult conversations. Some days, it is more challenging than others.  The closer is gets to me personally, the more I want to resist. At times, it feels like 'Why say anything.'  Can you identify? Avoiding confrontation, however, and the feelings of unease that accompany such a situation, resolves nothing and adds yet another layer to uncover at a later day.  This is one extremely important aspect to remember, whether it is with Dr. James Dobson or my mother or your mother.  I wish I could tell you that it is easy to take these steps, but it doesn't work that way.  What I do know is that when it comes from a place of harmony and balance within myself, it is natural and easy, and ironically, it leads back to the only way to stay in harmony and balance.  That is what speaking one's truth in respectful and honoring ways does for each of us.  My commitment to sharing my truth also continues to open up a new space into which my mother can grow.  If I refuse to speak honestly with her about my feelings and refuse to share my life, I contribute to her emotional imprisonment, creating a barrier to her potential for personal evolution. In the end result, my difficult conversation with my mother created a more authentic connection, where we engaged our hearts and minds.  Thanks Mom!

Kathy Reim, state chair for PFLAG in Washington, had the following at the end of a recent email.

Ubuntu: "A person with ubuntu is open and available to others...affirming of others...and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu

This quote provides a great segue and reminder of one of the lessons of non-violent process.  Whether a difficult converesation with my mother, or an act of civil disobedience at Focus on the Family, it is never done to humiliate or diminish another.  It is to create a constructive tension that holds hope and possibility for a new third position and understanding at the end of the rainbow.  As history reminds us, it doesn't happen overnight.  It takes continued effort to shift the consciousness of conditioned cultural thinking. 

As we waited this past month for March 14 to arrive, it is sometimes easy to assume that "surely they won't send us to jail" for this when they understand the circumstances behind what provoked our act of civil disobedience.  Those thoughts keep us sane; however, they don't necessarily provide the most accurate picture.  That is why a great lawyer is an absolutely necessity and we had one.  Mike Duncan...take a bow! We love you! 

(L-R) Roby, Mike & Dotti

Now, it isn't that we wouldn't have agreed to jail time if necessary.  "What" would have made it necessary?  Keep reading ...

We arrived in Denver on Monday evening, March 12. Bill Oliver, our host and  Soulforce friend from Colorado Springs, picked us up and drove us to Poor Richards, where Michelle Bright, a student at Colorado College, works.  You may recall from our last newsletter that Michelle is taking a Journalism class, and mentioned that her class had read the coverage when we were arrested on February 19.  (we met her at the restaurant when we ate there before we spoke at Colorado Springs PFLAG on Feb. 20). They were left with a lot of unanswered questions.  We encouraged her to interview us and Focus on the Family, and write an article as a class project.  She decided to do that.  She initially sent us some questions to answer, and this opportunity to meet face-to-face was to finish the interview, enabling her to complete the article and hand it in on time for her class the next day.  Unfortunately, the timing for speaking to her class didn't work out because of their projects being due that day.  Michelle contacted Focus on the Family, but they would not grant an interview.  Michelle Bright's article

Poor Richards is not only one of the most eclectic businesses in Colorado Springs, being four businesses under one roof, but its owner, Richard Skorman, is one of the most influential allies in town.  Formely on the city council, he is now assisting Senator Ken Salazar as regional director/Pike Peak Region.  His allegiance to our community and others is evidenced in another recent article written by Michelle Bright. When a lesbian couple, who had worked for him for 11 years, were killed in a car crash, Richard came through to pull together a hurting community. 

Roby found herself in bed all day on Tuesday, nursing a cold that had finally taken hold and turn to bronchitis.  I did an interview with Jim Ryan on 740 AM.  By the time we met Mike Coletta, who is running for mayor against the incumbent, for dinner at Poor Richards, he had already heard it.  Mike is amazing.  He knows he is facing an uphill battle, but he is putting himself out on a limb.  His attitude?  If not this time, perhaps next.  The key point is that he is taking action rather than talking.  It was that evening that we also finally met Richard Skorman in person. In an email we received before leaving Colorado Springs, he encouraged us to keep up what we are doing saying, "We will win because we are right."  Richard and his wife, Patricia, are avid supporters for equality and justice for all.  We have to agree with Richard.  Being on the side of justice and equality is always a win in the end result, no matter what the consequences.

Mike Coletta shared a powerful story when he first contacted us after our arrest on February 19.  He shared about Juanita Hairston, who on April 1, 1944, made a name and helped start a movement.  Click here to read how Civil Rights Came Slowly, Softfly to Colorado Springs.  It might have been April Fool's Day in 1994, but Juanita was no fool.  She was smart enough to take action for justice years before it all began in other parts of the country.  She is a new hero to us, and a reminder of why we do what we do.

Wednesday, March 14, was a full day.  At 10 a.m., we met with our lawyer, Mike Duncan, who had graciously offered his services pro bono. We asked him, “Why?”  He told us of a case where he represented a gay man, a doctor in the army, who was charged in 1990 with all types of trumped up charges for being gay in a “witch hunt.”  As well, he said that one of the guys, who was in the Air Force, committed suicide when he couldn’t bear the stress of what had happened.  From that point, it was a short time later when Amendment 2 in Colorado occurred.  He joined in that fight and has never looked back.  We are grateful for allies such as Mike Duncan.

During this meeting, Mike pointed out that it is always possible that jail time could be a consequence, particularly since Dotti has many arrests for civil disobedience in her past.  Although unlikely, he knew he needed to walk us through the potential consequences.  We had talked a long while by phone before this meeting. We made the decision to plead "guilty" and avoid a trial (more time and money) since we obviously had done what we did, and in all liklihood, a jury would simply find us guilty.  "If," however, not going back to visit Focus on the Family again in the future was given as a requirement in exchange for acceptance of our guilty plea and receiving a fine versus jail time, we told Mike that we would then plead "not guilty" which would force a trial.  In that case, we were willing to go before a jury and plead our case.  Doing this make a person realize why people plead differently in various court situations. 

Dotti:  "Each time I go through this court process, I learn something new.  Each situation and jusrisdiction is slightly different."

Now we understand more fully why Mike's website for his law firm is BristleconePines.  It says, "We’ve chosen bristlecone.com as our Web site address because the Bristlecone Pine is an amazing symbol of endurance. It speaks to us at the Law Office of Michael J. Duncan, as lovers of the natural beauty of Colorado." We continue reading and discover that these are oldest trees in America, some are 5,000 years old. They survive in the harshest conditions, near the timberline in mountainous regions in six states, including Colorado.  Mike has indeed endured, while simultaneously cultivating an open heart.  What a wonderful combination. Contact Mike if you are in Colorado Springs and need a great lawyer! When we wrote and thanked him, he replied,

Back to our meeting with Mike.  He made an interesting comment, saying that, although many people would not agree with him, he thought it was better for a child to be in a loving home with a gay or lesbian couple, than to be in a broken home.  I wonder if we could facilitate a meeting between him and Dr. Dobson?

We read that the staff at New Life has recently been cut from 350 to 300 people.  Mike confirmed that some open positions were not filled and others were eliminated.  In fact, Pastor Mike told us that the staff salaries at New Life are not to be more than 50% of their budget, but that Pastor Ted had continued to add people to the staff to the point where istaffing was 60% of their budget.  He did share that he knew they would have grown into that staff, but that 60% was too high to maintain once donations dwindled when the Ted Haggard situation occurred.  Mike admitted that though he forgives Pastor Ted, the most difficult part is thinking back to an ongoing question Pastor Ted consistently asked in various sermons..."What is your sin costing others?"  Mike said he knew that the cutbacks (which came about because of Ted's "sin") had caused others to lose their jobs.

At the end of our meeting, Mike asked he if might pray with us.  We said, "Of course!" He said, "Really?" as if he were surprised.  We all joined hands and listened as Mike prayed.  Interestingly enough, out of his five children, all are married except his two sons.  They play semi-pro hockey and room together in San Francisco.  Hmmmm....one never knows.

By 12:30 p.m., we were on our way to “face the judge” at court at 1:30.  Our lawyer met us there, and had the opportunity to meet with the city attorney before our court session began.  Mike explained our situation, and confirmed that we were pleading “guilty” to the charges of trespassing, and was able to settle with a fine.  We went back in the courtroom to await our turn.  Fortunately, we were the first ones called (you can leave after that).  Dotti was called first.  Mike walked with her to the podium/microphone facing the judge.  The judge asked several questions.  At one point, Dotti turned to Mike, asking, "What did she say?"  Mike repeaded it softfly, and Dotti still couldn't hear.  He repeated the question, "Are you under the influence of anything that would impair your decision making."  Dotti chuckled, and turned back to the judge, replying , "Nothing except my hearing problem." Roby went up next.   With our ability to still go inside and visit people we have met at Focus on the Family headquarters, we left, knowing that we are part of history in the making by being a part of the initial stages of the Soulforce "Focus on the Facts" campaign.  

By 3 p.m, we dashed to an interview with Michael de Yoanna with the Colorado Springs Independenct.  Since their weekly paper comes out on Thursday, all deadlines were over for this week, so that article will come out next Thursday, March 22.  Mike is beginning a series where he will follow the Focus on the Facts campaign.

By 4 p.m., we were enroute to Focus on the Family.  We knew we had little time before they closed at 5 p.m.  We arrived about 4:10 and immediately went to the Welcome Center.  We felt some anxiety as we walked in the door, knowing we would possibly see Diane #2 for the first time since she stood talking with us in the main building on February 19, when we shared that we did not intend to leave when she asked if we would be going back by the Welcome Center that afternoon.  We didn't know if she had received the flowers we delivered to her the next day, leaving them at the front desk when she wasn't available.  It was one of those moments, however, that we knew we had to move beyond.  Going to Focus on the Family is like being thrown off the horse, and making the decision to get back on again.  It is another Rosa Parks/Alice Paul/Martin Luther King, Jr. moment, realizing that others took many steps before us to stand up and speak out for justice.  It is all interrelated. It is not about "us" as in Roby and Dotti.  It is about "all of US."

A young man named Aaron was the greeter.  We asked if either Diane were there.  He replied that Diane Ingolia (we finally confirmed her last name when he asked if that was the Diane we were looking for).  We said “Yes, that’s her.” We recognized it from having taken flowers to them the day after our arrest.  It was then that the lady at the front desk had called her by that same name.

Aaron was new at FOTF, but has been doing a two year internship at New Life.  We didn’t get the opportunity to inquire about the Ted Haggard situation, and what impact he felt there had been. 

Diane arrived in just a few minutes and greeted us in Wits End, just as one FOTF employee was making our picture. Bill had never met Diane before, nor had he been to Wits End, the children's part of Focus on the Family.  

(L-R) Roby, Bill & Dotti

Diane personally gave us a tour, sharing details that only the woman in charge would know. As always, she was delightful.  She encouraged us to go "behind the scenes" and let her take this picture of us.  Who says that the march for justice can't be fun??

(L-R) Dotti, Roby & Bill

We finally addressed that we had just come from court, but that we could not be in Colorado Springs and not come by and saw hello to her and others.  By the time we visited our visited, it was two minutes before closing, so we asked her to say hello to Den Patterson, head of security.  Before leaving, we spotted Joe, the security guard who Gary Schneeberger (special assistant to Dr. James Dobson for Media Relations) had turned us over to when we refused to leave on Feb. 19 and were arrested.  We're ok with the realization that Aaron popped up everywhere Diane took us, and that suddenly a security guard appeared in the Welcome Center upstairs by the time we returned.  We went over and shook Joe's hand.  He said, "You know I had a job to do.  I have to keep my job."  How well we understand.  Many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons have to do things every day (like remain silent) in order to keep their jobs.  Perhaps we have more in common than he realizes.

Eleanor Roosevelt's quote (shared by friend and client, Sonja Braasch) says it all:

"I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face...I say to myself, I have lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along...we must do the things we think we cannot do."

We continue to express two main reasons for our Focus on the Facts Campaign: