Tina Rogers, our hostess in Bend, Oregon, opened her home to us after our talk at PFLAG.  Divorced last summer, she was married for 14 years to a minister, and has three children.  She emailed the following to us after our visit.  With her permission, we share her insightful writing with you.

Your presence in my home really made me think. Thank you.

The following is what I sent out to about 100 people or so. I am now accountable to live authentically.

First I have to tell you a cool story.There is a young man that rides my bus. He is in the 6th grade and can't seem to stay away from trouble. He has brought a lot of grief upon himself, and as a result of that, the staff at his middle school is constantly on his case. He has no respect for most adults in his life.

By day 3 on my bus, he was assigned a seat right behind me. After about 3 weeks, he began to see that I really do like him. We talk all the time. I give him shit when he messes up and tell him he it better than that. I try to encourage him whenever I can. I don't think he gets much of that. A few months ago he told me that I am one of the only reasons he goes to school, so he can get his "Mrs. Rogers fix." So that is our relationship.

Today he got on the bus after school and took his seat behind me. (he no longer HAS to sit there, but he does. He knows it keeps him out of trouble) He tells me that he knows a girl that went to the church we used to pastor. She told him that the reason I divorced Dave was because I am a lesbian. I looked at him and said. "I am." His reply was "Oh, OK. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't telling lies about you."

There was some silence as this set in, so I asked him if he was OK with that, and he said "Yeah, it's cool. But if she was lying, well, I don't put up with no lying!" He was going to defend me. He was quiet for a minute, then asked what I was doing for the rest of the day. It was so cool. This is the first student on my bus to know I am gay. I feel good about it.

Anyway, here is what i sent out. 
 
“What does that n*gr think she’s doing?”
“Doesn’t that n*gr know her place?”
 
Or maybe some were thinking;
 
“I don’t want any part of this.”
“I just want to get home. I’m tired.”
“I like colored people, I may not agree with the laws, but I can’t afford to get involved with this.”
 
Whatever they were thinking, right or wrong, they were part of history the day they rode the bus with Rosa Parks.
 
I hate to admit it, but I am pretty ignorant as to the details of that historic day. However, I do know that Rosa Parks was a courageous woman. She was tired of the injustice that was placed upon her, her family, her community.
 
Today I had a moment of clarity.
 
I was retelling a conversation that I had with my best friend, to my new friends Dotti Berry and Roby Sapp. AKA Two Women and a Poodle. My friend asked me why is it that GLBT’s seek out other GLBT’s. Why is it so important to us to associate with other GLBT’s? I told her that if she were the only straight person in town, she would want to find other people like her. I explained to her that if I were to find myself with a romantic interest, I would feel more comfortable to show affection with her in front of other GLBT’s, than in a group of heterosexuals. Not because I am embarrassed of whom I am. But that I wouldn’t want to make my hetero friends uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want to be “throwing my sexuality in their face.”  I wouldn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable.
 
In this moment of clarity
 
I heard myself saying I am embarrassed of who I am.
I heard myself saying my relationships aren’t as valuable as theirs.
I heard myself saying, “You have every right to think what you will of GLBTs because I will not be authentic in front of you.”
 
Rosa Parks was born black. She didn’t choose it. She was born a woman. She didn’t choose it. It would have been easier to be a man. She was born in a world full of prejudice, ignorance and hatred. She was born to change the world.
 
I was born a lesbian. I didn’t choose it. I was born a woman. For this I am thankful, yet it is still easier to be male. I was born in a world full of prejudice, ignorance and hatred. I was born to change the world.
 
It didn’t take courage for Rosa to be black and ride the bus. That was apparent to anyone that saw her. What was courageous was for her to remain seated when faced with injustice. It doesn’t take courage to be gay. I just am. What would be courageous would be for me to live completely authentic in the face of injustice. 
 
Did it matter that the people on the bus were upset or uncomfortable when faced with the morality of equality? It would have been a lot easier for a majority of the population if Rosa Parks would have just been good little black woman and given up her seat to a white man. Wrong is wrong. It is immoral to segregate a portion of society because of prejudice, ignorance and hatred. ALL men/women are created equal. Liberty and justice for ALL. ALL of my GLBT friends deserve the same protection as everyone else.
 
It would be a lot easier for my children, my friends, my co-workers, the people I sit next to at church, and a majority of the population if I were to just be a good little lesbian. I can be gay, but keep it to myself. But I am ALL done being afraid. I am ALL done avoiding questions by not being authentic. I am ALL done not being me because it might make life uncomfortable for some people.
 
Christ asked his disciples. “How will people hear if no one tells them?” Same is true today; how will people know that they have gay friends, co-workers and family members that they already love, unless we tell them? How will they know me if I don’t open up honest dialogue with them?
 
When I die, I don’t want people to say, “Well she lived a nice comfortable life.”
I want to make a difference. I want to love openly. Live authentically. And slide into my grave proclaiming, “That was one hell of a ride!”
 
In a Moment of Clarity,
Tina Rogers

Note from Dotti & Roby:
To say that we feel inspired by Tina's boldness (yes, one is bold for being honest in the face of potential negatives repercussions) is an understatement.  One thing we know is that, on that day, Tina moved beyond several myths that have kept her imprisoned in her life.  These same myths that many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people have bought into, and live out every day in their lives, have impacted our individual sense of self and our community in ways that are sometimes so subtle we miss them entirely.  Moving beyond these myths is one of the keys to unlocking our prison doors and walking free. We each have the opportunity to command our freedom, rather than demand our freedom, simply by the ways we choose to live our lives on a daily basis.  Thank you, Tina, for debunking the myths in your own life.  Click here to read From Myth to Empowerment: How Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Persons can Shift.

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